Crushed Spirit

Standard

Spirit, you are the
absolute worst airline on
which I’ve ever flown.

Most flights aren’t much fun
but you take my misery
to a new level.

First, we left quite late
because we were waiting on
“technical papers.”

I guess “technical
papers” means “working bathroom”
in your native tongue

because after we
were airborne, you said the front
restroom was broken.

This after many
technicians were looking in
there before takeoff.

We could only use
the rear bathroom and couldn’t
form a line for it.

But apparently
many people needed to
use the one bathroom

[surprise!] so, to make
things fair, you gave numbers to
all the passengers.

“Numbers one and two?”
a flight attendant called on
the in-flight PA.

I had drawn number
seven but it wasn’t luck;
you went in order.

I didn’t even
need it but wasn’t about
to give up my chance.

“Number seven,” she
called. Making my way to the
rear of the aircraft,

I waited for the
bathroom occupant to leave.
Then I went in to

discover that the
sink had no water! Are you
serious right now?

Opening the door,
I told the attendant that
the sink was broken.

“Yeah, are we out of
wipes?” she questioned. Near the soap
was one Purell wipe.

“Nine,” she called on the
PA, turning away to
resume her duties.

So let’s see – only
one usable bathroom, which
has a broken sink.

Also, either the
dog across the aisle had some
kind of accident

or one of the kids
sitting in front of me needs
to have a diaper change.

[“Did those parents get
a number?” I wonder to
myself absently.]

We have only been
airborne – “Number eleven”
for 1.5 hours.

It doesn’t matter
how good the deals are, I can’t
handle this nonsense.

The worst part’s knowing
my husband is anxious to
fly anyway and

there’s no way I can
help. [That and the knowledge we
won’t get refunded.]

“Number seventeen…”
“Numbers twenty and twenty-one…”
“Number forty-six…”

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